Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
