1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
