i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize