I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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