he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
