Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
