it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
