Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
