Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
