I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
