Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
