If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
