I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
