If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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