The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
