I must be too annoying 4 u.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
