College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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