Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
