I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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