My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
