I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
