i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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