Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
