new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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