Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
