There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize