She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
