What did we do last night that was yellow?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
