i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
