he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
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