So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
