I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
