Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm like, not good at living.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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