just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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