Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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