What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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