I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
