And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
