I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you never un-have a 4some
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
