Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
