I heard we made out
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
