last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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