my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
