We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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