hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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