I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The power of my boobs compel you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
