Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
