Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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