the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drunk is not a location!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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