we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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