omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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