1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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