really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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