paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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