It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
