in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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