I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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