I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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