There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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