whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
