I have demons in me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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