She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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