I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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