I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
