I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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