id be glad to
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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