OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
