If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
