Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
